Thugs & Porn Actresses

One of my biggest peeves is women who go around in public with those pants with writing across their asses. I mean if it’s not the most disgusting sluttiest thing I’ve ever seen. And to believe some women are so critical of men who treat them like sex objects. Bitch, you got “Pink Taco” stitched across your ass. What the fuck do you expect me to do comment on your mastery of trigonometry?

I should walk around with pants with writing across the crotch that says “Let me coat your sugar walls with a fresh load of paint” but I’m certain a lot of people would be offended by that. And it’s likely that it violates some law or another. I don’t really have a lot of room for all that text anyway. But apparently “Pink Taco” on a woman’s ass is fine.

I had cereal for dinner. I had pizza for breakfast. I took a nap for lunch. That’s pretty much it. I imagined having sex with someone. I imagined arguing with someone. No… that was real I think. But the sex was imaginary, I think. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell. Who could possibly tell the difference anymore. When I’m in bed and I’m half asleep and the radio is on it’s like I’m there. Like I’m half dreaming and in the dream I’m experiencing the things that go on on the radio. The thing is my radio is tuned to public radio and it’s mostly news so as my thoughts flow in and out of consciousness I’m being blown to bits by IEDs, going down in plane crashes, take performance-enhancing drugs and acquire AIDS from being raped by my father’s fishing buddy. Occasionally I will wake in a cold sweat.

I’m seriously starting to doubt my own intelligence. I mean all my life people have been telling me I’m smart. But I just have a hard time seeing it. I really don’t think of myself as smart because I see so many other people who are smarter than me. I think what’s at issue is that the people I hang around are all fucking idiots. So to them I must seem like some fucking Einstein. It’s like that movie Idiocracy. I’m just a normal guy in a sea of retards. If only I could convince the real smart people that I’m one of them…

Google has been a pain in the ass lately. I mean I use to champion Google because they use Linux and seem to not be afraid of open source and stuff. But lately two things have really made me lose faith in them. The second thing was their intention to acquire DoubleClick. DoubleClick is a piece of Internet enema. DoubleClick is my enemy and therefore Google is my enemy. The first thing is the whole YouTube purchase. I hate YouTube too. 90% of the shit on there is useless. The only time I ever go there is to watch some news footage that I missed on television or some footage that television doesn’t have the balls to air… or air their balls.. whatever. Anyway now YouTube is getting sued left and right. I don’t even feel sorry for them. They have no defense either in my opinion. I mean they can say that they can’t filter stuff, but it’s obvious they can. I’ve gone to YouTube plenty of times looking for porn and I can’t find none anywhere. You’d think that a site that big, with everyone and their mother trying to get seen, that there ought to be a lot of homegrown porn on that site. But it’s nowhere to be seen. Someone has to be filtering that shit. And if they can filter porn then they can filter copywritten material. So fuck Gargle/AssTube/DoubleDick. I hope they crash and burn!

I’d better go now. It’s past my bed time and my medication is wearing off.

5 more days of suckage. 2 more potential jobs.

Well, I learned Monday that my soon-not-to-be crappy job does not in fact pay a person leaving the company for their accrued vacation days. This is the first job I’ve worked for with such a policy. Fortunately I only have 24 hours accrued and my boss is giving me both Fridays off so I only lose one. But still, what a dumb rule.

The recruiter from the East Coast has been hounding me. She’s wanting me to edit my resume and do this and do that. Also I think I’m supposed to have an phone interview with the company today. I’m kinda trying to stall them because the West Coast company started a little late and plus they’ve been getting some horrible winter weather so I’m trying to give them a chance. And then…

… and then I got an email from a prominent open source company yesterday. I had sent my resume over to this company some time ago, but figured it would get lost in a pile and I’d never hear from them. But I did in fact get an email from them yesterday and we’ve already scheduled a phone interview for Friday.

I also got approached about a local programming job. I’m not sure that I’m qualified or interested but I may look into it anyway.

All this and I still haven’t decided yet whether I want to immediately jump back into a job (that I’ll end up not liking). Though working for an open source company has always been a dream…

Don’t subscribe to Sys Admin

I haven’t written in a while. Not that nothing’s been happening; I just didn’t feel like writing.

I’ve been sending emails back and forth with AE now. Kinda weird that the only person I can talk to now his my ex, who I hated just a year ago. I told her my two deepest secrets (that I’ve been clinically depressed most my adult life and I was sexually abused as a child). She said she already knew the first one. I dunno, maybe I told her. Or maybe she just knew.

I guess she’s happy with her new husband and baby. Thinks seem to be going well for her now.

I decided I would put in my 2 weeks notice on the 15th. So my last day at my job will be the last work day of this year. I don’t have another job lined up now. Maybe I’ll take another six months off again.

Work has been fairly boring, especially with my boss on vacation, but it’s not been too bad. They let us leave a couple of hours early today because everyone here gets paranoid when the temperature drops below freezing.

Today I upgraded my box to 2.6.19 and have been toying with the new PATA code and ext4. So far no issues. I may play with Ecryptfs a little, but to me it doesn’t seem to provide anything over encfs which I already use and am pretty happy with. I mean the performance isn’t that great but I’m not running a database or streaming video on it so wtf.

I really don’t feel like writing anything. I’m just writing now because I haven’t done it in a week and don’t wanna stay out of practice.

Oh, here’s a story. I haven’t recieved any issues of Sys Admin in months (since July?). So today at work I called them. They didn’t have my name or either of the two addresses I had them delivered to in their database. Like no record that I ever did business with them. So the lady asked me if I had the account number with me (the number that’s printed on the address label). I didn’t have a copy of the magazine with me so I told her I would call back when I got home. Well when I got home early today one of the first things I did was call them. This time someone different answered the phone and even though I explained everything that happened on the previous conversation, he continued to ask me for my name and address and then told me it wasn’t on their computer. No shit, I just told him that. So then I told him the lady I talked to before said I could call back with the account number. Well this guy says they can’t look up subscriptions by account number. I’m like what?! This makes no fucking sense. What kind of company can’t look up your account number? It seems like whenever you call any business the first thing they ask you is your account number. So I explained to the guy that I know I’ve been getting magazines because I’m looking right at them. And my name and address are spelled correctly on them, so either they gotta have my name or account number because they were sending me magazines for months until they just cut me off. He said he couldn’t do anything so I asked to speak with his manager. Well, after putting me on hold for what seemed like forever he came back on the line and said that the manager was unavailable and that he would take my name and number and a manager will call me. Well, it’s been 5 hours now and (surprise) no call. I either want my magazines or want my fucking money back. I don’t understand how a company could just “forget” me. I understand even less how a company can not be able to look up a customer’s account number. This makes no fucking sense to me.

wild turkey

I woke up around 4 am this morning. To my surprise I had slept on the sofa in my living room. I can’t figure out why I had done that. It wasn’t that I just fell asleep. I had turned the TV and DVD player off. I don’t think I finished the movie I was watching last night. I must have been drunk.

So today is Thanksgiving to most. To me it was just another day off from work. No friends or family. No big meals. I had a burger for lunch and for dinner the same thing I had yesterday. I called no one and no one called me. I spent most of the day on the computer, listening to music or browsing the internet or on IRC. Read some of my Linux Administration book. I simulated a RAID failure and re-built it just to see if it would work. I resized some of my filesystems and converted one from jfs to ext3. So I guess you could say I was bored.

I went for a ride this afternoon. Actually, I went to get lunch but ended up just driving around. That was pretty much the only time I actually thought about Thanksgiving. I was listening to NPR in the car and they had a couple of Thanksgiving-themed broadcasts. So this year what can I be thankful for? Well let’s see: my “girlfriend” dumped me, I have a job that I hate more than life itself, I have no one to talk to and I don’t love or feel loved. So I guess I’m gonna have to go with “health” again this year.

When after I got back home I jerked off. I haven’t been taking my Lexapro for the past few days so my penis kinda works again. That’s pretty much the only pleasure I get out of life anyway. Sex is way underrated.

Tomorrow back to my crappy job. There won’t be that many people there, so hopefully it won’t be that bad, but I’ll be bored shitless.

I have half a bottle of Irish whiskey left before my drinking binge ends (I finished the vodka this morning). I’ll try not to go on another one at least until Christmas.

put your mouth where your money is

Last night was bitter.

I  went to see my doctor.  She was supposed to give me a physical, but she didn’t.  The bitch said it was late in the day and she’d rather give me a physical when it was early in the morning and I fasted.  Why didn’t she fucking say that the first time.  Instead I payed her $35 so she could jerk me around.

She doubled my dosage of Lexapro.

I’m not sure when exactly it happened.  It was yesterday.  My cat is missing.  She’s not here.  I’m thinking she popped out when I came home at 7:00 pm last night and I just didn’t notice.. until like 10:00 pm.  I called and called and called for her.  I went out to look for her but no response to my calls.  I’ve had this cat for six years and all-of-the-sudden she’s gone.  It’s weird.  I’m not even sure how I should feel.

I had to work today.  Everything pretty much went fine.  I wasn’t really focused on work because I was worried about my cat, but I feel like I can’t do anything.  If she shows up she shows up.  If not… I guess it was never meant to be.  That’s what they say, right?

At dinner time I drove to the liquor store and bought some vodka and Irish whiskey.  Needless to say I’m feeling pretty toasty right now.  I’ll probably be drinking every day until after Thanksgiving.

Oh, good news: I got my two hard drives Friday.  I resized my RAID5  and resized the LVM volume group to 1.2 GB.  All works well.  I now have 9 drives in that box.  I’ve maxed out my SATA connections.  I shouldn’t need any more storage for a long while now.

Sun’s Java implementation has been freed.  Microsoft is “partnering” with Novell.  Oracle wants to compete with (or perhaps nullify) Red Hat.  All this means one thing:  open source is winning.  You can always tell when you’re successful because you gain friends as well as enemies.  When you’ve got both of those things going on it’s a sign that you’re doing something right.

… so why the Hell, especially at this point in the game,  did I leave a job that embraced open source to work for a Windows shop?

Speaking of work: I spent most of the day bored as usual.   My job definitely lacks anything close to being challenging or creative.  This is the first job I’ve worked at where I’m actually discouraged from writing scripts.  In fact, pretty much any characteristic I have which I regard as “assets” are not welcomed there.

Today we went over the holiday schedule.  Since everyone else there has been with the company for 8+ years they’re taking Thanksgiving and Christmas vacations in 2-week chunks.   I’ve not been there for 6 months and I believe I used my only day off last week when I called in sick.  So I’ll basically be on my own these last few weeks of the year.  And since it’s the holidays there aren’t any projects going on so I’m going to be even more bored.

My two hard drives shipped today so I should be getting them this week.  I’ll probably work on them this weekend.  Oh, I have to work Saturday.  There is one project that I’m not that much involved with and, oh, we have to reboot all the servers.  We reboot the servers once a month to “refresh” them.  I guess Windows servers have to be refreshed.

Most of the day I’ve had a headache, actually a hangover.  It hasn’t bothered me too much though.

two more drives, one less friend

I was about two hours late starting my day.  I went to Target this morning to do some shopping (didn’t need to get much) and then I went to Petsmart to get some supplies for my fish.

I found out that NewEgg has some 250 GB Western Digital drives for $75.  Now I don’t really need any more storage, but the price was good so I got two.   Right now I have 3 160-GB drives and 3 250-GB drives in 2 RAID5 volumes with LVM on top of that, giving me a 820 GB volume group.  I was hoping I could extend the 250-GB RAID volume with the 2 drives and then extend the LVM  group to ~1.29 TB.  A quick Google search suggest it “should” be possible.  I also have a 120 GB IDE drive in the box so that will give me 9 drives for a total of 1.8 TB physical storage.  This should fit fine in my Thermaltake Armor case.

I just took my daily meds.  I have an appointment with my doctor Friday for a physical.

I saw Nao online today.  I didn’t say anything to her. She didn’t say anything to me.  It’s kinda weird.  We’d been good friends for 5 months and now… nothing.  That kinda sucks.  I wouldn’t be as bad if we had this big break-up or something.  But it’s like one minute we’re friends and the next minute gone. Not that we were the bestest friends or anything but she was pretty much my only friend.. the only one I pretty much talked to every day.

Well, off to watch television.

Sunny and Warm

I slept most of the day.  Last night I took four sleeping pills. It was good because I didn’t wake up at 4:00 in the morning.  I woke up to my alarm, but was still very tired, so I took a nap.  I woke up a bit before 8:00.  I knew I was too tired to work, maybe even too tired to drive, so I called in sick.

I woke up again around noon.  When I turned on the radio I learned that the Democrats won big and Donald Rumsfeld was resigning.  I thought the world had turned upside down.

I went out to lunch.  It was warm and sunny today (around 84°).  I tried not to pay attention to the couples at the restaurant.  I think now I’m mostly over Nao.  It didn’t take long.  I guess because we haven’t known each other long (5 months) and we only really met once.  Right now I’m more disappointed that I’m alone than that she broke my heart.

It’ll take her two months to find another guy, if she hasn’t already.  That’s what happens to all the women I lose.  After they leave me they go right back into another relationship.  With… Christina she was pregnant and getting married before the ink was dry.  With me it can take a year before I even go on another date. I never was the chick magnet…

I sent in my resume today to an open source company.  I’ve been getting emails and phone calls from recruiters, but they all have East Indian names/accents.  Are we outsourcing recruiters now too?  Most of them I can’t understand because of their accents.  I never call them back.

I haven’t taken my Lexapro (yet) because I don’t feel like feeling sick. I probably won’t be able to sleep much tonight.