There is a new girl…

… And this time I mean new. Not some chick from the past I dug up and started fucking again…

And it’s different this time. She’s great. We have a lot of the same values, we get along great, blah blah blah. And the sex is awesome. I know it’s cliche, but she really makes me feel young again. Better than I was when I was young (because that was Hell).

Anyway it’s pretty good. Things are going kinda fast and we both realize that so we’re trying to put on the breaks. The distance helps… oh, did I mention it’s long-distance? But it’s cool, because we have a plan. It’s just that we haven’t talked about it yet.

Anyway, that’s all I really have to say because I actually don’t like talking about her. I was gonna keep it a secret but this is a pseudo-anonymous blog so…

Why the secrecy? I dunno. I usually don’t talk much about my relationships until after they’re over with anyway. But I had to say something because I get the feeling this one is going to be around for a while…

Rosario Dawson

Listening to “Helicopter” by Bloc Party

Ok, so I watched the movie This Revolution. Not a great movie, but man Rosario Dawson. She really did it to me. I can’t stop thinking about her. Those tits bouncing all over the place. I don’t usually get obsessed about female celebrities, but I am right now. Maybe I have been all along.

I was hooked on her too when I saw The 25th Hour, when she played Naturelle, this hot fucking bitch. That’s the thing about Rosario. She’s ghetto enough to get your attention but not too much as to embarrass you at a Red Lobster. And she’s so fucking hot. She’s perfect. I bet she’s fucking great in bed. You can just tell, you know? I’ve wanted her since Kids when she played a teenage whore. I can’t get her out of my mind.

This mask represents militant resistance.

wild turkey

I woke up around 4 am this morning. To my surprise I had slept on the sofa in my living room. I can’t figure out why I had done that. It wasn’t that I just fell asleep. I had turned the TV and DVD player off. I don’t think I finished the movie I was watching last night. I must have been drunk.

So today is Thanksgiving to most. To me it was just another day off from work. No friends or family. No big meals. I had a burger for lunch and for dinner the same thing I had yesterday. I called no one and no one called me. I spent most of the day on the computer, listening to music or browsing the internet or on IRC. Read some of my Linux Administration book. I simulated a RAID failure and re-built it just to see if it would work. I resized some of my filesystems and converted one from jfs to ext3. So I guess you could say I was bored.

I went for a ride this afternoon. Actually, I went to get lunch but ended up just driving around. That was pretty much the only time I actually thought about Thanksgiving. I was listening to NPR in the car and they had a couple of Thanksgiving-themed broadcasts. So this year what can I be thankful for? Well let’s see: my “girlfriend” dumped me, I have a job that I hate more than life itself, I have no one to talk to and I don’t love or feel loved. So I guess I’m gonna have to go with “health” again this year.

When after I got back home I jerked off. I haven’t been taking my Lexapro for the past few days so my penis kinda works again. That’s pretty much the only pleasure I get out of life anyway. Sex is way underrated.

Tomorrow back to my crappy job. There won’t be that many people there, so hopefully it won’t be that bad, but I’ll be bored shitless.

I have half a bottle of Irish whiskey left before my drinking binge ends (I finished the vodka this morning). I’ll try not to go on another one at least until Christmas.

better than the movie

I forgot to feed my fish this morning.  The last time I forgot to feed them the big ones ate one of the little ones and left a hollow carcas.  When I got home I noticed they were nibbling on the only little one I have left…

Oh, last night:  I ended up talking to Sarah online and she invited me or I asked to come over.  I don’t remember; I was drunk.  Anyway what I do remember is being at her place and begging her to have sex with me.  She said she was tired and didn’t want to have sex.  I’m such a loser; even whores turn me down.  So basically we talked and watched TV in between my begging her to have sex with me.  At around 1 am she put me out.  Oh, she said she could smell the alcohol on me.  Dammit, I thought vodka was supposed to be oderless!

I woke up this morning at 5:30.  I tried jerking off and it just wasn’t working.  The antidessants are killing me down there.  But for some reason I couldn’t give up.  It took me an hour and forty minutes but I finally came.  I was almost late for work.

Oh, work.. it was horrible.  There were a few times I wanted to cry.  Not that anything bad happened.  I just hate the job that much.  And I hate myself for hating my job.  Sometimes I think I’m spoiled and I should just shut up and do my job like everyone else does.  But when I get in that mode I can’t do anything.  I’m frozen… useless.  And at the very moment I’m expected to be productive.  I’m seriously thinking about quitting even if I don’t find another job first (not that I’m actively looking).  I just don’t want to be there.  Most of the time I feel like I’d rather be anywhere but there.  I can’t even describe how bad I feel.  It’s just not healthy.

Speaking of health.  I’m almost done my 1.75 liter bottle of vodka.  At the rate I’m going there won’t be any left for Thanksgiving, which is the main reason I got it.  Well, I still have the whiskey.  But I really should cut back.  I’ve spent every night since Saturday madly drunk.  I remember very little of what I do or say.  Yet at the same time I feel that any second of my life that I don’t remember or spend in a  stupor is one less second of my life I have to deal with.  Because, let’s face it, I have a hard time dealing with (my) life when I’m sober.